Only the Weak Survive
by Lux1
Summary: After the final battle. Who died, and why? B/S implied


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Title: "Only the Weak Survive"

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Author: Cecilia (pen name: Lux)

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Pairing: B/S implied.

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Rating: PG-13 for character death and adult themes.

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Spoilers: Season seven up to 'Storyteller'. Plus mention of a returning character.

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Disclaimer: Let's just say, if I owned these characters, I wouldn't put them in this situation in the first place. Apoca-what?

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Summary: The final battle. Who died, and why? 

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Author's Note: Even though my alarm was set for 9am I woke up at 6:20 this morning and for some reason this ficlet started running through my head. I think it was better originally, but I could only remember so much by the time I got to my computer and started to write it.

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Distribution: I doubt you'll ask, but I'll be flattered if you do.

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Reviews: I don't care what you say, just let me know that you read it and I'll be happy.

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Dedication: To my squadie girls.

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~``~``~ Only the Weak Survive ~``~``~

It's over now. The battle is done. I guess this is the part where we're supposed to count our losses. I'd rather count blessings, but this probably isn't the time.

Faith is dead. Andrew and Kennedy are dead. The Principal is dead. Vi, Molly, and Amanda are dead. Countless girls whose names I can't remember… are dead. 

I feel like I'm stuck in that scene from _Gone With the Wind_. Not the one where Rhett Butler carries Scarlet up the stairs. Oh, how I wish. No, I feel like I'm in that scene where hundreds of bodies lay next to each other, up and down the street, and those that are still standing have to look at list that confirms who is that's lying there, and who it is that's still walking among them.

Girl who borrowed my toothpaste that time: Dead.

Girl that kind of looked a little like Willow: Dead.

Girl who borrowed my Mazzy Star CD: Alive. 

Girl with the curly brown hair: Dead.

Girl with the pale pink glasses: Alive.

And so on. And so on. 

I'm sure my list will get longer once I stand up and venture into other zone of the wreckage. But I can pretty much see whose up and moving from my higher vantage point, and that's enough for now.

The worst thing about being where I could see everyone, is that I managed to see nearly everyone die. 

I saw Dawn die.

It was the worst death. Not literally, because it happened pretty fast, but because in the sense of the big picture, it cause the most damage. And I'm not saying that loosing Dawn in and of itself wasn't a terrible thing. It was. I cared about her. And all things considered, she was rather innocent. Honestly, becoming a klepto was probably the worst thing she ever did. I mean, she could have become a drugie, or a pyro, or loose. I've heard that girls get like that sometimes when their mother dies, they get kidnapped and tortured by a Hell God, and their sister kills herself and then is resurrected by her best friend only to wish she could go back to where it was peaceful. And all Dawn ever did was perfect the art of pick pocketing.

Even still, the worst thing about Dawn's death wasn't that she died. Call me horrible for saying it, but it's true. 

The worst thing about her death… was that I saw Buffy and Spike see it. They weren't near her, each other, or me at the time, but I saw the whole thing. And I swear I heard them gasp. 

I was up higher and a good distance away… I shouldn't have been able to hear them gasp. But I did. 

And after that, things got kind of blurry. The fighting continued. More people died. And then it happened.

One of them jumped in the hellmouth. I'm not sure which. Could have been Buffy. Could have been Spike. It doesn't really matter who it was, because the other one soon followed. 

And it was over. The hellmouth closed, for good this time, and it was done. Finished. 

I'll probably find out whom it was that went first once I go down there. Right now I can't seem to guess. Buffy following Spike seems just as likely as Spike following Buffy. They were always like that. They'd never have admitted it, but there was only two ways that each of them wanted to die. By each other's hands. Or at each other's sides.

I'm glad it was the latter.

But in regards to Dawn, my point is simply this: I don't think they both would have jumped had Dawn not been killed. One of them would have stayed, heartbroken and empty, to take care of her. She probably would have ended up taking care of them, but the intention is all the same. 

I'm not sure what would have happened had Buffy jumped and Spike been left to care for Dawn. Dawn probably wouldn't have appreciated it. Even less than she had before. I know I'm not supposed to talk about the faults of the dead, but practically everyone I know is dead so cut me some slack here. Dawn never seemed to understand the magnitude of what Spike felt for her. Sure, there was some obligation to Buffy mixed in there, but that wasn't why he stayed. Not really. For months after Buffy died the first time, I was afraid that Spike was going to kill himself. I kept thinking he would go out patrolling one night and never come back. I even had a dream where he just sat on top of building, waiting for the sun to rise. But then I'd see him with Dawn. I'd see the way he looked at her. Cared for her. And I knew he would keep his promise to Buffy. Till the end of the world. I heard him mumble it when we were dragging him home that morning, so I know it's what he said.

I wish I had someone that felt that fiercely about me. Sure, Xander loved me. Maybe still does. But he wasn't even committed enough to marry me. Spike pledged his whole life to Dawn. 

But then once she was dead… he was free. To follow Buffy into death, or to allow her to follow him.

I can't help but wonder what would have happened had neither of them needed to jump into the hellmouth. Would they have stayed even after loosing Dawn? The closest thing either of them would ever have to a child? 

Probably not.

I think if they had stayed, her death would have broken them. And it wouldn't be right for both of them to break.

You see, Spike broke this year. And Buffy broke last year. But because they did it separately, they had the other to pull them back.

If both of them broke now, they'd have no one to have comfort sex with, or get them to stop talking to walls. 

So I think maybe it's better in some horrible way that they jumped in there. Of course, I'm assuming that they died in there, but its not a crazy assumption.

Sure, one could argue that they're still down there fighting. Cutting through row after row of demons. But I doubt it. After Dawn… I think the two of them probably just fell to the ground and held each other until something killed them. They saved the world, I think they deserved the right to stop fighting.

So now the rest of us are left standing here, clueless as to what to do next, our strongest fighters having perished. And I'm having a hard time understanding why I'm still here. Sure, I'm bleeding pretty bad, but I'll live. And I don't know why. If Buffy had made a list before the battle that said who would make it and who wouldn't, I'm damn sure I know what category she would have put me in. I would have put myself in it. 

So why am I not dead? I fought. Start to finish. Just like everyone else. If anything, I invited death. I didn't watch my back, or keep myself guarded…

Maybe that's why. 

Maybe every single demon that came near me saw that I didn't care, and figured it would be more rewarding to kill a terrified fifteen year-old instead. Or a slayer. Or a warrior vampire. 

But not me. 'Cause I didn't care. 

I guess I didn't see the point. 

And it really sucks too, because when someone like Dawn dies, it causes this huge ripple effect. Spike and Buffy are gone and those still standing will mourn the loss of all three of them. Whereas, if it had been me that died, I don't think it would have affected that much. Xander would have missed me but it would have been cheapened by the fact that he chose not to have me in his life over a year ago. I can only hope that if I'd been killed, Spike, had he made it through the battle, would have missed me. He was afterall, my only real friend. 

I guess I'll just have to miss him instead.

I'll have to miss everybody. Even the people I didn't know that well. I have to miss them because everyone that we lost tonight, died because they were the best kind of fighters. The ones not willing to give up their lives, like me… but willing to fight to the death. 

To the heroes that fought till the end, and didn't live to see it: 

May they rest in peace.

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End file.
